i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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