He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
