Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
