i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
