she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize