I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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