Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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