So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
this beer tastes like vomit already
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
