You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
