I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
