If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I will pee on everything he values.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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