I am midnight drunk by noon
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize