I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
