I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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