why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
