I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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