I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
