I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
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