"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
