so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Randomize
