she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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