...so i touched it.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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