remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
