Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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