i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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