A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
