Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
