I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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