Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
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