I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
