dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Send help, water and tortillas.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
