i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
