I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
its liver damage thursday
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
