1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize