We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
