I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
