Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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