this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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