i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Your dad touched me again.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
