i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
