I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
