The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
