so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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