My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
