you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
