Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
