Moan for me like Helen Keller
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Randomize
