not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
