I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
