Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
