so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
