Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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