Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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