if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
