go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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