david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
