Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
