My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I skipped work to stalk him.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
