i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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