I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
