Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
