And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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