my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize