Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
