Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
