I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
