He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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