I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
