Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
