Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
