my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Drunk walkin through police station. America
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
