You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
