It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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