i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize