im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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