Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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