Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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